Stimulus and a cigarette after.

Stimulus

I come to bring you joy. As it happens, I am joys pimp.

Everybody seems overly concerned about this stimulus package. I can't
figure out why we're worried.At 1100 pages it would seem they have
covered every conceivable angle. I even heard that there was a couple of
million set aside to cover the needs of butterflies which few documents
seem to cover these days. Furthermore some government agency has to give
us something for all the money we seem to give them sometimes each and
every payday. What the hell they doing with all THAT money, spending it
on stuff? How much could it cost to run this government? I figure they
must know how to invest in that every election two to 6 people spend
millions of dollars to get a job worth 300,000 a year .We need to be
stimulated, that's why every summer we ride roller coasters. If you give
us money I promise we will spend it. Do not give it to the banks and
car makers. They had it and couldn't keep it.They kept offering rebates,
we'd give them money, they'd give it back. Giving them money is like
allowing the inmates the run of the asylum.It is the fox guarding the
chicken coop. Trust that within those 1100 pages is our salvation. I know
that an extra $16 dollars a week is going to change my tax bracket but I
will adjust . I'm not like the others, i appreciate money when it is
given to me. I've tried that work and earn ethic and I've got to tell you
it leaves me a little empty and disillusioned. I like illusion that is
why we all go to magic shows. If i could pull a quarter out of my own ear
I wouldn't need uncle Sam. And now that Uncle Sam can pull a trillion
dollars out of our ass ...well, that is an impressive trick.


MylesKapson - Eli Mellach (pen)02-14-2009

a Universal Language "Unibabbleon"

A Universal Language
It has come to my attention that the world is over populated with too many languages. Why, in India alone there are over 100 dialects. In Spain the North doesn’t even understand the southern Spaniard dialect and come to think of it- it is the same reoccurring problem in the USA. The United States and their welcome all policy of huddled masses yearning to speak Engli has garnered an amalgam of different tongues. Press 1 if you understand this, press 2 if you don’t. It is no wonder we fight wars, we simply do not understand each other.
Therefore, be it now known, that there is going to be a new language and though my people have not yet worked out it’s alphabet we have created the definitions that we find will continually be used and most indicative to and of interpretation. This will save a lot of time. Here are the words in sentence form in no particular order.
I am pretty . You are pretty ugly.
Keep your hands up where I can see them. License and registration? AARP?
Bend over it is tax time.
This won’t hurt a bit.
Sure, I will call you.
The check is in the mail.
Here, strap this on.
Mother. Your Mama. Mommie?
The jews did not kill J.R.
Who’s your daddy?
Extenz is the only decent extended warranty.
Now, creating a language that everyone can understand is going to take some effort and I have to point out that America didn’t do well when they tried to convert us to the universal measuring system, metric. Come to think of it I too am getting tired of people trying to convert me.
But a language that everyone, everywhere understands would truly bring us together and solve a myriad of problems. Here are 7 words that if learned , you will never have to worry about unemployment again:
Would you like French fries with that?
How about learning 5 words that all poor ass foreigners learn soon enough:Will the defendant please rise?
Perhaps you come from a country that does not value exercise. You will want to learn this: You are not big boned, there are no fat skeletons.
I do so hope we can implement my idea. Language helps express ideas such as:
Do your cousins marry your cousins?
He who haseth the gold maketh the rules.
I am Woman hear me roar.
Badges? we don't need no stinkin badges!
Can I return this? Are you brain damaged? And my favorite business statement, elegant and simple:
Friends and kin don’t feel it going in.
English is not what it used to be . And Chinese one would have to memorize over 2,000 lines that represent their alphabet . Latin sufficed in its day but when was the last time someone asked you to Carpe Diem. How can we expected to all learn English when its rules have rules which can be broken, as shown: i before e except after c or when sounding like a as in neighbor or sleigh. Respectfully submitted by Jennifer Jason Leigh. Dinner at eight. e-i-e-i-o.
A new language is good for America (and tomorrow , the world.) [end]

Change for a better outcome (change our thinking)

If you're looking for humor, not today, not this article. This had to be written.

Change by, Eli Mellach 02/06/09

Not everything I report on is fun. Today it was reported that a 93 yr. old Michigan man froze to death because the power company limited his electric usage after he ran up about $1000 on his billing. This same man was a WW2 vet and left behind $600,000 to a Bay area hospital already having bequeathed it. So that brings me to the rest of this daily log. Where the hell are we that the billing is more important than the customer, the human. We are so out of line with greed and debt and what everyone feels is owed to them . We like to tell ourselves that this is corporate or government greed but that is placating and masking one fact: corporations and such are made up of people, individuals that go along with this because the buck never stops anywhere...and it should. We are lost. We do not have to be. We honor and reward our athletes and actors paying sums that educated people can only read about. Where is the incentive to work and succeed through personal merit? Why would the average well educated person even try. Invent something? Someone is going to want thousands of dollars to implement the idea;it costs about $8000. to just start the patent pending process which ironically lasts longer than the friggen patent, once received. There is no, absolutely no incentive to create or invent anything anymore with out an angle. That is why every entity big or small is looking for a way to get theirs and thus scam you and me.We seem so confused that when some thing good happens, an invention, a development, an improvement, a new thought, we can't even benefit and move forward. Let me give you an example:During 1998 while on vacation in California , I came across a brochure touting the invention of a welder that would run on an 12 ounce glass of water a day (this through electrolysis). The electrolysis would take the H2O and break it into its chemical elements of Hydrogen (2 parts) and oxygen (a cleaner burn off). This welder could weld or cut the strongestmost dense metals . Enter the government who upon finding this marvelous device decides to put a federal cease and desist order on it for ten years. Their obtuse thinking was that it would put too many gas and electric people out of business. Rather than train them in the simple process of electrolysis which, by the way, is taught in freshman science class or was that 6th grade, the government decided to- in essence, put them out of business or at least on hold and freeze.Nobody benefits from this.OK, I'm off my soap box because i want you , the reader, to get this. We have to learn to learn. We have to start working together if we want to see the development of wonderous new devices. If we want to solve the problems facing the nation and society as a whole. Or all that will be left...is a hole!Let us stop looking toward celebrities for answers.They are fictional. They are the sizzle not the steak. I think you'd do better to look toward the many garage mechanics, entrepreneurs and closet inventors (sorry i was running out of pseudonyms. I know there are hundreds of auto enthusiasts that have come up with their own electric cars. There are hundreds of regular folk that can make their own petrol and diesel. Corporations should be looking and listening to these people. Our nation could be great if we quit tripping over dollars. Trying to make every deal the big deal, every sale doesn't have to be a home run. That means you don't have faith. Bring back customer service and give up on extended warranties. Most people expect the item to work for more than a year or three.We look for our government to save us but perhaps we should be looking to ourselves. Ask not what your country can do for you... Ask your country to ask you, what do you know? One final thing, we have to work together again. We are a society too full of secrets. It seems like pulling teeth to even get one entity to work with another. Who cares whose jurisdiction,what department... catch the bad guys and everyone share the credit.That is the reward.If you want things to be different you have to do things differently. If what you do is what you always did then what you'll get is what you've always gotten. Change has to come.

a Couple o Poems

SEX by, Myles Alan Kapson 1991
Some like it hot, some like it cold.Some like it gentle, others wish for bold...I just like it...From what i can remember.Some enjoy foreplay, others do not;i'd just like to be getting it,lately, I'm not.she doesn't have to be the pick of the litter, Just give me one Lord, I'd just like to get her![end]



GIRLS 1990- by, Myles Kapson
(Based on the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears) Once upon a time we found out about girls, and unlike the aforementioned bears, girls had curves and curls. Some were too tall and others too short, some were too thin, while others too port... Some were too young whilst others too old, Some were tooo hot, while others tooo cold... But once in a while when the moon aligned and with luck, You'd find one that was just right and she'd turn into a grizzly bear, rip your heart out and eat you! Doesn't that suck?[end]

Epithets

Epithets
People from Brussels are not brussel sprouts,and people from Germany are not sour Krauts,Irish people do not all drink,and Jewish people don't all have money, I think,Black people aren't all good at music and sports,and Indians don't all live in teepees near forts.and Asians come in all sizes and sorts...and Arabic people don't all ride camels from ports.Italian people are not all in the mob,just like people from Kansas don't all eat corn on the cob.Orientals are not all into electronicsand the illiterates who think so aren't allhooked on phonics...Our nation, our world, from what I can see,may look somewhat different but they're just you and me...What people all want is to be understoodthat what they each have to offer is---Truth, Strength, and their good.Still.Good.Will. by, Myles Alan Kapson 9/4/2000

Be an Artist

Artist by, Myles Alan Kapson

If the world you see is ugly, learn to be an artist. Be an artist!Analyze, Realize, Tantalize,Visualize...Conceptualize...See and hear with your eyes.Create, pro-create,recreate. Sing, dance, paint, draw or sketch,
Henderson.Hang out in dark damp places like basements or bars and drink and say
things that no one understands. they will think you hip, hep?Move to Europe. Then die so that your work will go up in value.But whatever you do, BE ORIGINAL!!!Then we will make prints...and purple rain.Be an Artist. a-r-t. A Real Teacher.See with your heart.Hear with your mind.Write upside down and if you happen to be dyslexic tell everyone that you
are an ARTISTcreating a piece for your next exhibition. Exhibition, you're next. BE an
Exibitionist.Expose yourself, even if you're not an artist you may prove to be more.Create a piece,Bite off a piece,Grab a piece...And always ask alot of money for your work. reality.Don't work. You now
have creative license...to be constantly unemployed.Enjoy the arts, but stay out of Cincinnati. They don't get it.Act. Don't think. Share. [end] --

King of Around

The King by, Myles Alan Kapson
I am The KING...When no one else is around.i am the King and I am the best, things go well and i get plenty of rest, you just don't know and i can't tell, when no one else is around. When no one else is around I can do 95 push-ups, run 10 miles, climb mountains , gather money in piles, bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, yes i can, i surely can...when no one else is around. When no one else is around i can fly an airplane, change an engine, make love to a beautiful woman 4 times in an evening and dance in the rain...And do more things by 9a.m. than most men do all day...And i do all this amazingly well and seemingly best, when no one else is around. So let me ask you all something? What are you doing around here? Don't you have somewhere to go , someplace to be? Something to do, so i can be with me? I want to be alone because i am at my best,when no one else is around. P.S. This is not a test! Go

WHAT is ART by, Myles Alan Kapson

A Rugged Tool A Rare Talent A Revolutionary Text

A Real Teacher A Rough Trade A Red Treasure

A Right Triumph A Raucous Talent A Reality Test

ACTUALIZE REALIZE TANTALIZE

A Rife Treat A Robust Trollop A Rumba Twist

A Rising Tome A Round T-square A Rhinestone Tierra

A Rickety Trickster A Revolving Tone A Rectified Truth

This is art. It is all art. And A Remarkable Thread of creation. A Realized Toccata. Everywhere you look…art.

I hope this answers your question

The Inauguration of a Man

Today is the inauguration of President Barach Obama. One, if not "the" most important day in our country's history. How many people have found themselves lessened by the seperation and categorization of race. What have we not learned because of this? What will we learn now? Today is the start in the right direction. Not an end, a beginning. Hundreds of years, cast of thousands, millions, a production when all that was needed was the application of Ockham's Razor...Dayenu (It would have been sufficient. )It would've sufficed. Look at what it took to be where we are today. The Yale poet put it simply: Say it plain, many have died for this day. A civil war where men picked up weapon against friend, brother, father against son. Civil rights that had to be taught and taught again and again. What is right in schools and in church , in business and in government and on the playground and field. We would like to believe that today we have arrived at understanding. Let us not be placated and complacent. We believe we know the importance of the words that "all men are created equal" until someone or something makes us feel justified to be as prejudiced as the next guy. And then we're uncomfortable with the dichotomy of it all. This too shall pass and we will be whole, we will be one. When we can look at a man and refer to him as a man without other identifiers then we will have arrived. I am proud and pleased that we have at least lived to see this day. Today Dr King's dream has begun to be realized, Today Rosa Parks has found a comfortable seat of her choosing.

The election was electrifying.-Rocky ho picture sho

Very successful attendance at the polls today. It could be said that the voters showed up in suits like a deck of cards.
In the old days I was friends with a lot of poll workers. Candy, Bambi, Autumn and Brandi.
After two years of campaigning the reporters asked Barach what the next four years would bring. He replied that he would catch up on his sleep.
When they asked what kind of change McCain was referring to in his campaign he said; well at my age, “Depends”
On AMC tonight they showed the original early ‘70s movie, “Rocky”. They’re remaking it starring Barack Obama. It will be more realistic this time… the black guy wins .
What’s this stuff about ‘the meek shall inherit the earth?’ the meek probably have everything they need or they would have spoken up. I’m broke, I’m all in favor of redistributing the wealth.
I’m seriously concerned about the middle east. If we keep capturing Pakistanis and Iranians where are we going to find clerks to man our convenience stores?
5000 years of warfare . face it , we can’t get along with each other, people just like us. Why then are we spending billions searching for life on other planets…green people, blue people. You know when we find ‘em we’ll say look, Damn aliens, they drink through their ears and shove food up their asses, they’re all on welfare and all they ever think about is having sex. I say we hang em. Morey will have to have a show titled “My alien babies daddy?” Let us keep the money and go on killing each other here on earth like G-d intended.

All the candidates want to be seen as regular guys just one of the guys .. Yeah, like we all want to be president. I want to see them get together with all kind of special interest groups and try to fake it to fit in.
One of the goys
One of the gays,
One of the geezers,
One of the girls. What’s next, honest allah, I’m just one of the Muzzlims.!

Quite frankly both candidates scare me. They’re trying to save us from financial disaster, save our economy, spending millions of dollars to run for a job that pays about $300,000 a year . At the poles I expect someone to say “ pull my finger.”
They’re like a half-time show…half the time they say one thing, half the time the other. I just hope they invite Janet Jackson for a repeat performance.
I’m Ok with global warming…who wants to eat cold road kill?
I found out that the first working salt mines were in Pakistan and Iran. Now we can tell them with certainty that they have a choice, they can go pound salt and / or sand.

Both campaigners decided to end their campaign with a BANG! Barack will be giving his last speech down south and McCain will be talking quickly in Harlem.
8% of the population was still undecided just two days before the election. Finally we found a team of people all smarter than a fifth grader.
In four years the new dream ticket will have to be Obama-Palin. Though I imagine she’ll want to be on top.
The last time I was into the Big Bang theory was the ‘late ‘60’s
In some states the machines went down and voters were faced with a new high tech device, a pencil.
I wish I had Abe Lincoln’s phone number. I’d love to prank call him and say into the phone “ well Abe, guess who won the election. Are you happy now?”
But perhaps a good thing has come out of this. I think we will finally see people beating their swords into plow shears. They need the work.
5,769 years of middle east conflict ended tonight though with the Arabs and the Jews walking arm in arm and laughing. I heard one say, well we thought we had problems but at least we don’t have a svartze President. All kidding aside, Mr. President elect, Mr. Obama, I am so glad I have seen this day. I could not be happier and may you continue to be blessed, go with Gd. Yours could be the greatest story ever told.

USA-go for broke

Uncle Sam here. Hello. Well, that is it for us, folks. We're busted,bankrupt, broke, ferklempt. we are the government and we've spent way more than we took in. We didn't really think this would ever happen because we've still got checks left over.But...our loss is your gain. We are going to have a final, absolutely final sale.A clearance sale and everything, that is right, EVERYthing has to go. Washers, dryers,printers ,tanks, cars, boats & planes. We've got your big portables, your little portables and various nuclear devices. Power tools , air-freshners, EVERYTHING has got to be sold. We're not holding back so hurry, your time is limited. Save, save, save!You will never see another sale like this. Big.If you need it , we've got it.If we don't have it, you don't need it. Why look anywhere else? Do not let this opportunity pass you by. Buy, sell trade but whatever you do, be there,Washington DC, January 25th, 2009. In front of the Washington monument, hey this is a monumental sale. This will be the biggest gun and knife show of allllll time. It's not everyday your country goes out of business. You want to ask what you can do for your country. Attend this final sale. Ask us, January 25th, what we can do for you. By the way, you paid for this message. Admission is free after 4pm. No refunds or returns, sorry. Our operators are standing by for your calls. Order early, order often. Buy American. We wish we had.

the ECO Blues

Not amazing that we're in economic and ecological bad straights. Educationally we're not doing well either. How unusual can it be when we don't share what we know, when we don't pass on what we understand. Have we forgotten, you have to give it away in order to keep it? I got alot of pot that way.
The world seems to be full of too many secrets. We are only as sick as our secrets...And we're all sick because of these false ideas ; we're losing the "human" race. The sharing of ideas goes back to the cave man I suspect. Hey Grog, look at this, I've created a wheel. You can roll it around go from point A to point B . I see someday we will benefit from this, this will be my "Wheel of Fortune", has a nice ring doesn't it? Now, let's do lunch. After lunch I'll apply for a patent and of course, I'll want to unionize. Call AIG, we'll need insurance.
Imagine how far we can go if we start sharing. The original computer geeks got it. They call it "open sourcing". They develop a software package and then ask for ideas on how to improve the product. They offer a Beta test product, a software product for free and then hundreds of people from all over the world download it, use it, abuse it and those that can , improves it. Yes i know the correct word was improve but it didn't rhyme as well.
Imagine how far we could get by using this philosophy in life. What could we learn from each other, about medicine, science, technology, the arts? Maybe we'd already have the cure for ...
you know.
There is an old adage, if you feed a man fish he will eat for the day but if you teach him how to fish
he will eat for a lifetime and who knows, he might teach you something you never thought about fish or maybe he'll be so good at fishing he'll invite you on his boat to go fishing with his harem of single nymphs that he met down at the shore. Hey, it could happen.
Many businesses are failing these days and there are many reasons -not just those secrets. My feeling is that alot of companies Ive seen are so busy trying to sell items for the most monies they can get are trippin. Not every sale has to be a home run. Why do I need an extended warranty,because this garbage isn't going to last beyond one year?When was the last time you received good customer service? A company might have success but why would they eventually fail? They let go of old good ideas. They've forgotten their way is not the only way of doing business ,or discovery, or finding ideas. It is the way of the world ,presently, to think whatever we have, whatever we offer, is somehow the best. You see it in every aspect of life including race , nationality, education and religion. Yes, i said it. This is why we are in trouble because we are creating avenues of seperation not inclusion. I am a strong believer in America, this land is my land but...Do you find it so hard to believe that foreigners trust that their country has a lot to offer too that they feel just as proud of their land as we do of ours? Anybody know how we got the nickname "ugly Americans"? It wasn't because of our physical appearance, it was how we acted when the guest of others.
So how does all this relate to business? I'm glad you asked. Bring back courtesy, customer service. Open the doors to your employees and even strangers for new ideas and utilize the good ones. Have us all want to do business with each other. Sharing information and ideas can only help us in our endeavors. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Don't wait for the bailout, by then it is too late. Take initiative, find those that can help you move forward, theyrer everywhere and it will benefit you to find them, nuture them, partner with them. For all you backyard mechanics and inventors, imagine a world like that. And for all you successful entrepreneurs, imagine how much progress and profit you could make with these alliances.
Think I can't walk my talk, feel free to add or edit this article. Then maybe we can work together on another edit/ project rewrite...the Constitution (Oh, please, it was written by ol geezers with wooden teeth and powdered wigs who were high on snuff.)