The stand up writer

My name is Max Kappy and I am a stand up comic... I'm serious!
I know I'm funny-last week at the mall I overheard a mother tell her son as she pointed to me-see that man, there's something funny about that man...
For over 30 years I have hung around the outskirts of the comedy community and yes, I know how you all feel. It is great to laugh. Funny things happen to us all the time if we just now how to look at them things. It is life and it is funny. It is everywhere, politics, religion, economics, culture-it is life!.
 Someone told me once, I have always heard laughter is the best medicine...I replied; no it's  not, Morphine is.
But short of that, funny is a pretty great drug.
I know so much about comedy it's not funny!
I started my interest in performance around 1979 at a small club in Cincinnati called DWI- owned by a very sharp and intuitive owner, Don. He gave us the space to work out our stuff. And then the unbelievable happened in rather short order...comedy clubs began springing up all over the United States. This was around 1980-81 and lasted for some ten or twelve years.
They say life is short. I say-not if you're an insomniac.
And now it is 2013 , the end of 2013 and there seems to be a renewed interest in this genre. So?
Where do we go from here? You're probably asking yourself, where does your education come from,Max?
I lived in Miami. I attended Florida University so when asked I tell them F-U.
This is like sex so if you're real quiet and  remain perfectly still I can finish this in just a few minutes.
Peace .
Funny is everywhere. A few afternoons ago I went out to lunch with my friend and I ordered coffee. They gave me a number and I went to sit down. They called out-175-and my lady friend asked; what number did they give you...;I said; 278...she said oh sh*t, they  are on 175.   I told her the numbers aren't in numerical order. we got our coffee next call. There was the funny. She actually thought for a sec that there were 103 people in front of us.
Different restaurant same result.
I'm in line and the lady in front of me turns around and, I guess admiring my salt and pepper hair , mostly salt, said; You know, gray is the new blonde...I said thanks, what do you think, I'm stupid?
And by the way, that is no insult to blondes ...some of my favorite shiksas are blondes and they're smart enough to date me. Try to remember , I'm a comic. I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings unless they're a corporation or a politician. I don't have a wide stance.
So- I guess you're reading this and hope that I will get to the jokes soon. yeah. me too. how about now?
Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten...Reading, writing, arithmatic, arson, grand theft auto...
I am a writer- recently a girl asked; have I read anything you've written? I said, depends...do you have a Facebook account?
She asked me if I had protection...I said, yeah, I got a .38...are you expecting trouble?
You could say I'm an overnight success. I really didn't think I'd make it to this morning.
I've learned to be more sensitive-gotten in touch with my feminine side-turns out, I'm a bitch.
I've written a new book-Tuesday's with Morrie's wife.
okay, sorry. I'm tired and wish to sign off.  I do hope you will come back and read some more some other day. Maybe I'll write more later tonight. i still have that insomnia, you could say I'm living the dream! good night.